Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi tells Vinny Guadagnino that she wants to cuddle with him later that night. He wants to know if that means he shouldn't bring home a girl.
For the record, she does not give an answer on camera. Snooki to the camera: "I actually named his penis Moby Dick, and I would love to try again to see if it would work. At Karma, the girls are enjoying some drinks on the deck, and Sammi is attracting her fair share of attention. Ronnie spies this and on the pretense of asking JWoww where the rest of the guys are — he doesn't stay to listen to her answer — moves in on Sammi.
He tells her she looks beautiful and tries to hold her hand, but she's having none of it. He follows her around the club, but she essentially dismisses him. Ronnie says he's going to do his own thing, which means going home … and, in all likelihood, doing his own thing.
Snooki confides in Sammi that she's really developing feelings for Vinny. Sammi counsels her not to ruin their friendship, but drunk Snooki is undeterred. Too bad Vinny has hooked himself a nice Dominican girl, who, almost immediately upon meeting him, tells him, "I want to, like, have ten of your babies like, like, right now. Vinny notes that the girl has a friend for his pal Pauly D, so off they all go.
They're both getting busy with their dates in their bedroom when Snooki and Sammi return. They poke their head into the boys' room — "Really?
Ronnie later tries to comfort a distraught Snooki. From across the room, Sammi tells Snooki: "You don't need anyone to make you feel that way. He asks her not to screw with his mind. Coming home from the club, JWoww has got to pee, so she squats behind a car. A wifebeater! No one ever fessed up to sticking that tank top down the tubes, but everyone was very happy to see removed.
Panties In The Potty: Who can forget the case of the dirty drawers? Pauly discovered some skanky underoos in the restroom while he was using it one day, then left the unmentionables in the middle of the living room. Inside, the ladies were having a gab session. Snooki was so happy she could cry.
He was in a great mood. He had muscles the size of a human head, and a human head the size of a bowling ball. Keep it together now, Ron-Ron. Say something funny. No one laughed. Sammi just wanted to have a night with her ladies. Then he was lurking right up next to her. Ronnie was like a kid in a candy store, except the candy was Sammi and the weird old man who hangs out by the lollipops was The Situation.
Ronnie tried to be nice to Sammi. Do you want me to? Sammi 2, Ronnie 0. Shnookums had a fever, and the only prescription was more Vin-Vin. This was actually a rather adroit literary reference. It simultaneously motivates you and destroys you. Roll with me on this for a second. They are clearly very good friends, with a curious flirty-sibling-coworker relationship that looks a little bit like unrequited love.
No man Snooki smushes will ever be quite as adorable as noble Vin-Vin. No girl Vinny smashes will ever be quite as funny as kooky Snook-Snook. Vinny and Snooki are like a pair of Great White Whales who are great friends, but are also mortal enemies. Somewhere in America, my high school English teacher is screaming. Pauly swooped in and befriended one of Mrs. Since their beds form an L-shape, it was kind of like watching two pairs of digital microbes smush on a Tetris block.
But Ronnie pulled her away. She was clearly talking to herself, and Ronnie was clearly talking to himself. They were using Snooki as a mirror. You don't just stand there sheepishly as as the women, who had nothing to do with it, dry-heave.
But, in reality, it's not about the poop. What's more frustrating is that this is another example of how, after ten years, the men haven't had to grow up. The biggest struggle for Snooki and JWoww is motherhood. They miss their children, so much so that Snooki almost left mid-episode.
The women are in visible emotional agony every time we see them, but are using this reunion as a chance to let loose for the first time in years, while the men have Developed new workout routines and shit in every available toilet? Advocated for the pull-out method while their girlfriend is back home pregnant for that very reason? Even The Situation, who did the impressive work of getting his act together and becoming sober, nets zero due to the fact that he's literally on trial for tax evasion.
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